In honor of Father's Day

 I took this picture when we were in Wichita, for my photography class.  A fun glance at Daddy that I happened to catch on film.

It's the same little boy, but man he's grown and changed.  And the 2 1/2 years between then and now have changed and deepened Austin too.  He is a faithful, Godly man who loves and serves his family and friends so well.  I'm so blessed (as are our four kids) to cared for and selflessly loved by him!

 

Sleepers Update

Thanks to many of you for your emails, words of encouragement but most of all for your coming alongside kind of praying!  It has been felt and so warmly received!  It is so encouraging to not feel like we are carrying a burden alone.  I guess it's been over a week since I asked for your help.  Sleeping remained much the same, with frequent night wakings that roused siblings.  But I have felt your prayers in the ability to love patiently during the day despite weariness.

Saturday night Zeke was up 6 times, waking each of his siblings at alternating times.  Out of desperation for sleep for our family, we decided to move Zeke into our guesting room, across the way.  The first night was great, only waking for 10 minutes.  The second night, not so fabulous, as he cried for almost 2 hours.  But last night . . . he slept all night long.  Praise be to God!!!  And even better, his siblings have had 3 nights of undisturbed sleep. 

So as long as guesting and weather permits, I think we'll sleep him in the living room.  Granted, tonight may be a different story.  Let alone what jet lag and sleeping in various locations all over the Midwest?!  But I'm celebrating in last nights sweet gift!

Thanks again for joining with us!

Last Day of school and some quotables

This is how the year began.  He was the new thing and there was a whole lot of unknowns before us.

"Elkhomjoni Arif" (Austin's Dear Ethan- Ethan's registered name at school; what is written on all his books and the in the Teacher's grade book)

Class photo.  The boys have to hang together!

 Ethan's penmanship is excellent.  He's well on his way to beautiful cursive 

as a result of this year in local school.

 Ethan was one of the first to master reading in his class.  Though he can't understand the meaning of all the words he reads, he is able to read very well!

 And this is how the year ended, he's just one of the class.  The front row is no longer reserved for the token foreign kid.  At the graduation ceremony, he brought up the rear.

 

 He stood, with his class, for a 2 hour assembly in the sun celebrating the graduation of the 11th graders and the graduation of the 1st grade class.  The graduation is called "the last bell" and is filled with it's share of "Last Bell" poems recited by representatives from both classes and several teachers.  

 White birds were released at the beginning of the ceremony, representing the freeing and releasing of the graduating class.

And just like at the "First Bell" ceremony, 2 1st graders were carried around the grounds ringing the bell.  After the ceremony Ethan expressed disappointment that he wasn't chosen to ring the bell.  We decided it was because he is significantly bigger than the boys in his class, and the "Martial Arts Champ" (see the metals he's wearing) wouldn't have been able to lift him.  That would have been embarrassing for the Champ.


Some lessons learned:

Toilet paper isn't provided and some days it's just better to come home at recess to use the bathroom.

De-worming medication is given routinely, whether you deem it necessary or not.

When the teacher says "Take a bath, the Dr. is coming tomorrow," it often means there is a standard lice and scrotum check the next day.  We opted to skip that day of school.

Poems are always recited well at a louder than normal volume.

The neatness of one's work is of equal, sometimes greater importance, than the correct answer.

One can learn to read in another language and only understand a fraction of the words you're reading.

Alphabets are different: p=r; n=e; h=n; g=d etc.

Every celebration is better acknowledged with fresh flowers.

There are countless acceptable reasons to miss school.


We also learned that a typical tool teachers/parents use to motivate students is to use threats.  It's been comical to hear the stories Ethan comes home with.  Some of the memorable ones have been:

• If you don't read this (portion of the book) you will stay with me all weekend until you can read it. 
• Stop talking, or I'll rip your lips off.
• I'm going to hit you, and you'll die.
• Memorize this poem, tomorrow special visitors are coming and you must say it.  (Yet, the visitors never come.)
• Tonight, it's going to rain spiders.
• Children thieves who are caught are turned into kielbasa (processed meat product).
• Don't run on the street.  You will break your arm.  
• If you don't do this correctly, we will throw you in jail and spiders will eat you.

There have been many differences and the learning curve for Ethan, and our entire family, has been a steep one.  But the experience was all in all very positive.  He has some good friends as a result and really loves his teacher.  As it stands now, we are hoping to tackle 2nd grade come September.  In the meantime, Ethan will be playing lots of local games with his friends on the street!

A weary call for prayer

It's been a long time since I can remember sleeping through the night.  There's the pregnant bladder that wakes you, screaming for relief.  And then the very pregnant tossing and turning, a swollen body looking for a comfortable way to rest.  The restlessness of winter 2012. 

Then the frequent cries of a newborn.  Always hungry.  And if it wasn't hunger, the tummy pain that would leave him writhing and screaming for hours.  Sometimes the only thing that would pacify him in the middle of the night, was a walk in our courtyard, looking at the moon.  It pacified my heart, to remember again that the God of the Universe is bigger than even this right now. 

And then ear pain.  Digging hard at his ears.  Crying for relief.

Older brother's transition to a "big boy bed" brought on middle of the night terrors and more screaming and thrashing.  Countless nights where he ended up tucked in tight next to me.  Too tired from being up with the little one, to carry him back to his bed. 

Then there's the normal summer time tummy sickness; nights given to violent vomiting.  Or the winter nights; sleep given to keeping warm and coughing siblings; "please don't wake the baby!"

I struggle with my own issues of guilt; "maybe if I was a more disciplined mama, and had him cry it out sooner, we wouldn't be still struggling with this."  But to cry it out in a room of four, the siblings wake and are soon in our bed.

There have been nights I have physically felt the heaviness of exhaustion.  Nights I have to say it out loud, that God is here and this darkness is not dark to Him.  

And what is normal?  Isn't this part of the "call" of motherhood with young children.  So many times I hold back sharing, knowing so many other young mothers are weary in a similar, or even more chronic way. 

But the last two weeks, the wakings have been significantly longer.  Huge chunks of the night, given to one child or the other.  The youngest has found his voice from 12:30-3:30 several nights; crying, talking, playing.  The others can't seem to sleep through it like they used to.  It as though the family finally surrenders to sleep around 4:30 a.m., often with one of them in our bed.  My planned 6:00 a.m. wake up, for coffee and my quiet time has proved near impossible these last handful of days. 

So my heart was spurred to ask for help by this word.
            "She found God’s presence amidst God’s people.  Do you need to do likewise?
             Tough times stir the hermit within us.
              We want to hide out, run away and avoid human contact. In reality, we need community.
              Lean on God’s people. Cancel your escape to the Himalayas. Forget the deserted island. 
              Be a barnacle on the boat of God’s church."

I don't know what the cause of the sleeplessness in our home is.  I don't know if it is spiritual attack, if it is my lack of will power to suffer through crying it out, or just normal life with four small kids in a small room.  But today our church time ended with all the adults crowded in our children's room, praying!

And I'm asking you, would you pray with us.  For us.  Cause I honestly feel like I'm sinking, and I need the help of His people!

Why some weekends leave you tired!

(This post I initially began March 27th.  I don't know if it was the weekend that left me tired and unable to finish the post, or if it's just fullness of life!) . . .

In a good way, but tired none the less.  March 21st is the Persian New Year's; Nav Ruz.  It's a big deal here and the celebrations last for days.  The 21st fell on a Thursday, so the city wide celebration wasn't until Friday.  Ethan's class celebrated together on Wednesday.  Everyone was supposed to bring something for the class party.  Nothing was assigned or organized, so they ended up with lots of cake, cookies, candy and the deep-fat fried potato filled "porushkis."

I made a cake and Ethan and I decorated it like the flag, complete with the typical Nav Ruz congratulations.  Ethan's Cyrillic is much better than mine.  So he traced it with a toothpick and then I iced it.

Our local pose before taking the cake to school

Most little girls get their special new dress for the year at Nav Ruz.  Elli was included.  It was still cool, thus the long sleeves underneath.  Elli got this hair bow from Aunt Jenni several years ago.  Her hair is finally long enough.  Local girls wear large white bows, so her big pink matching bow was a hit!

The city wide celebration began at 8 a.m., though we didn't get there until closer to 9.  Much of it felt like Game Day in Manhattan.  The main street was blocked off and people were walking everywhere.  The "jumbotron" that shows music videos many summer nights, was on and displaying the festivities taking place in the stadium for the many that wanted to watch.  Every neighborhood set up a "stall" with traditional elements on display; a day to celebrate Persian culture.  However, much of the "ancient" elements on display are still very much a part of current life and celebration.  We walked the streets, checking out every booth.  We greeted friends and acquaintances.  We enjoyed the first ice cream of the year and kebab.  And then we crowded into the park with all the other families, waiting in Central Asian "lines" for the carousel and boat swing.  It was such a fun day to blend in and join in the celebrating.

Saturday we left the house early to travel to a village where Austin has a project.  Several villages were joining together to celebrate and they invited us to join.  Loaded in the work truck, we set out unsure of what we would experience.  I was hoping I wouldn't be hosted in a back room, trying to keep my kids obedient around the floor table while Austin was out mingling.

We stopped for a roadside potty break before driving into the village and the truck refused to start.  But it wasn't long before a truck full of village leaders, wearing their long black coats, pulled over.  After hearty handshakes and greetings, they set to work, fixing the truck.  The quick repair job involved changing out batteries to kick start our truck.

 

Dressed more conservatively for our village visit, I sat in the truck with the kids, watching hands hard at work.  Large, calloused brown hands alongside Austin's farm boy trained hands. 

Many times it feels like the ones we come to help, help us.  

We entered the village and were quickly ushered into this long room.  The "white beards" seated at the head of the room made it very obvious no other women or children would be seated in this room.  The kids and I quickly ate our bowl of sour soup and made an appropriate exit to "watch" all the festivities.  It's a great feeling when you can start reading cultural cues!
 

So, instead this was the fun the kids and I joined in on.  We watched the teen boys dancing in the school yard, and snagged goodies as they were brought out on trays.  You could feel the excitement in the old and young alike!

This was the line delivering osh from the kitchen to the rooms where the women were seated.  Two huge pots of osh had been prepared to feed the village and curriers brought plates at a time to the tables for all to enjoy.

Elias and his new friend

 

And then the dancing that happened after we had eaten.  They cranked the music up and the women danced in their circle while the men danced in their own circle.  I was quickly whisked into the middle of the circle; one woman taking Zeke, the other taking my bag and camera, and strongly urged to dance.  It was a blast, but quickly overwhelmed Elli.  The pushing and shoving and strong commands can be a little much.  I exited the dancing in hopes of helping Elli calm down.  She felt much better once we had a little space and I was holding Zeke again.  

To start the truck and leave required more help.  I wish I would have thought to take a picture, as 20 of the young village men pushed our truck, in reverse up a hill to get it to start.

What a fun weekend of celebration.  Full of blessings and opportunities to be welcomed in and be a part!

Recent shots

While I'm working on another "meatier" post, I wanted to share some recent shots of my kids!

We've done some recent summer re-outfitting.  Her new red dress, her second pair of new shoes (as she lost one of her first new sandals down the squatty; that brought a good day's worth of spontaneous weeping, whenever she thought of it).  She's also donning her much longed for sunglasses, complete with sparkles on the sides.  She was so excited about this purchase, she couldn't nap the day she got them!  She's posing with her name in chalk; she's getting good at her N's!

 Enjoying a summer snack of yogurt, with a spork. No worries on any spills . . . Elias has declared this the "Summer of Boxer/Briefs."  (Most days he's found running around in his bazaar purchased Angry Bird big-boy britches.  He wants to buy some for his Babu and Uncles to bring back this summer!)

 Zeke, my intense communicator!  He loves his tongue, and I happened to catch some of his tongue action in this picture.  If he has a thought, desire, opinion, he feels free to express it so everyone knows!  For example he did not appreciate his older brother's tender neck embrace, and his vain popping squeal let us all know it!  Being the fourth, I guess you have to communicate LOUD!

Ethan with his school buds!  He's on his last week.  Yesterday, he left at 8 a.m.,with his teacher and classmates to walk the town and celebrate International Children's Day.  No permission slip required.  I didn't even know where they were going, when they'd be home, or how much money he would need. He left with the equivalent of .75 cents in his pocket, his hat, a bottle of water and instructions on where to go if he got separated from his class in the crowds.  The crazy thing is to him, it's normal.  He wouldn't know what to do with an informative flyer in his backpack or a permission slip.  This is his "normal" definition of school.   

A game plan

It's been a slow, journey in my heart.  Last year, reading "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shirer my heart was encouraged: "He has loved me enough to make me like no other, and He's given me a task that is mine alone to complete with His abundant help and empowerment."

It's still sits posted above my kitchen sink.

Last summer, holding a screaming colicky Zeke, swaying in my kitchen, moved to tears singing along with Christy Knockles "Into the Glorious."  What task is mine?  And where is how to I rely on His abundant help and empowerment.

A year later, Zeke's no longer colicky . . . Praise God!  And we've finished 2nd grade in homeschool and Ethan's almost done with 1st grade in local school.  I don't know all that my "God given task" is.  But I do know that for this season He has me raising and training up our 4 kids (PRAISE God I'm not in it alone, they have an amazing father!) in this Central Asian Valley; seeking too to love, serve and share with the many walking in darkness that we live among.  As I've anticipated school with 2 kids this fall alongside 2 very active/ornery little boys . . . overwhelmed doesn't quite capture the emotion.  

In April, at a homeschool conference, I inherited a book from the "free box."  "Managers of their homes: a practical guide to daily scheduling for Christian homeschool families."  I hate to say it, but I had to overcome quite a level of cynicism in my heart to even start reading it.  But it's amazing what desperation will push one to do. The cynicism: "does this really work in the context of my world; where NO ONE lives by schedule or by time?"  "How can I be who I am with this kind of structure?"

Thus, the slow journey in my heart.

So I read.  I prayed.  I talked it through, a lot.  God has blessed me with a husband who listens to my oral processing very patiently!  And I started filling out the Activity sheets.  It quickly became clear some of the conflicting values in my heart.  I enjoy creative cooking; making delicious things often is a very creative process here due to all the substituting necessary.  I enjoy this, but it requires quite a bit of time/energy. 

I value being spontaneous.  Though with 4 kids it is hard to be as spontaneous, I would describe myself as one who is quick to choose time with people over schedule. 

But I also value my children!  Having time and emotional energy to love and teach them well.  Having space in life to be able to read with them.  Time to enjoy them and be patient with them. 

This is more important than delicious, creative meals and spur of the moment activities.  There may be a season when I can do both, but I don't think now is that season.  Having children changes you!

Putting all I do, and even the things I want to do, down on an activity sheet and assigning an amount of time needed, it quickly became obvious that what I have to do fills the day.  There are not hours enough for the extras that I want to do.  So my days are driven by the power of the urgent.  And reality is, many days it feels like there are several urgent things/children screaming for time all at the same time!  But one of the premises of the book is that there is time enough to do what you believe God has called you to do.

Ethan's Activity sheet was also eye opening.  Between play time, homeschool time, local school time, chores, etc. he was sitting at 26 1/2 hours worth of activity.  No wonder I always feel pressed to keep him moving to the next thing; to make sure we keep up and don't get behind.  It is only by GRACE alone that we got 2nd grade finished, with some good summer months before us.  And the fullness of his days was a sweet reminder of how God has carried us in this homeschooling journey, even when I lacked a concrete game plan. 

Heb. 1:3 was another sweet reminder: "He [Christ] is the radiance of His glory, the exact expression of His nature, and He sustains all things by His powerful word!"  There is so much depth to this verse, I realize.  But how sweet to read it in my devotional time, in the midst of all this schedule planning, and be reminded that a schedule won't sustain us; an organized Mommy with a great game plan can't keep the family moving; He alone sustains all things!

Moving all our little 30 min time slotted squares around, was a 4 day puzzle process.  You can imagine the sense of accomplishment when I got it all out on paper.  I'd work for an hour one day and leave it; praying for God to grant me creativity in how to make it all fit together.  And the next day, when I returned He faithfully answered with a new way things could fit together. 

So we're slowly working into our schedule.  It's such a blessing to have the summer to slowly work into this, and then add the school hours in August.  Monday was our first day.  4 p.m. came and for the first time, that I can remember, I pulled out the bubbles for "Mommy play time with the little boys."  Elli was quick to offer "I can do that Mom, so you can do what you need to.  What a sweet gift to be able to say, "This is what I need to do; play with my kids!"  And what a sweet gift, to not have guilt and other other "louder" demands crowd it out. 

I got to sit on the grass, and experience the joy filled squeals and know in my heart there was NOWHERE else I wanted to be!!!

I'd love your prayers for us as we continue this journey.  It will look different than the book, already yesterday, I had 5 unplanned interruptions, as Central Asian life crashed in.  So creativity will still be needed.  But to have the freedom and space to do all I feel He has called and equipped me for . . . this is my hope!