A game plan

It's been a slow, journey in my heart.  Last year, reading "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shirer my heart was encouraged: "He has loved me enough to make me like no other, and He's given me a task that is mine alone to complete with His abundant help and empowerment."

It's still sits posted above my kitchen sink.

Last summer, holding a screaming colicky Zeke, swaying in my kitchen, moved to tears singing along with Christy Knockles "Into the Glorious."  What task is mine?  And where is how to I rely on His abundant help and empowerment.

A year later, Zeke's no longer colicky . . . Praise God!  And we've finished 2nd grade in homeschool and Ethan's almost done with 1st grade in local school.  I don't know all that my "God given task" is.  But I do know that for this season He has me raising and training up our 4 kids (PRAISE God I'm not in it alone, they have an amazing father!) in this Central Asian Valley; seeking too to love, serve and share with the many walking in darkness that we live among.  As I've anticipated school with 2 kids this fall alongside 2 very active/ornery little boys . . . overwhelmed doesn't quite capture the emotion.  

In April, at a homeschool conference, I inherited a book from the "free box."  "Managers of their homes: a practical guide to daily scheduling for Christian homeschool families."  I hate to say it, but I had to overcome quite a level of cynicism in my heart to even start reading it.  But it's amazing what desperation will push one to do. The cynicism: "does this really work in the context of my world; where NO ONE lives by schedule or by time?"  "How can I be who I am with this kind of structure?"

Thus, the slow journey in my heart.

So I read.  I prayed.  I talked it through, a lot.  God has blessed me with a husband who listens to my oral processing very patiently!  And I started filling out the Activity sheets.  It quickly became clear some of the conflicting values in my heart.  I enjoy creative cooking; making delicious things often is a very creative process here due to all the substituting necessary.  I enjoy this, but it requires quite a bit of time/energy. 

I value being spontaneous.  Though with 4 kids it is hard to be as spontaneous, I would describe myself as one who is quick to choose time with people over schedule. 

But I also value my children!  Having time and emotional energy to love and teach them well.  Having space in life to be able to read with them.  Time to enjoy them and be patient with them. 

This is more important than delicious, creative meals and spur of the moment activities.  There may be a season when I can do both, but I don't think now is that season.  Having children changes you!

Putting all I do, and even the things I want to do, down on an activity sheet and assigning an amount of time needed, it quickly became obvious that what I have to do fills the day.  There are not hours enough for the extras that I want to do.  So my days are driven by the power of the urgent.  And reality is, many days it feels like there are several urgent things/children screaming for time all at the same time!  But one of the premises of the book is that there is time enough to do what you believe God has called you to do.

Ethan's Activity sheet was also eye opening.  Between play time, homeschool time, local school time, chores, etc. he was sitting at 26 1/2 hours worth of activity.  No wonder I always feel pressed to keep him moving to the next thing; to make sure we keep up and don't get behind.  It is only by GRACE alone that we got 2nd grade finished, with some good summer months before us.  And the fullness of his days was a sweet reminder of how God has carried us in this homeschooling journey, even when I lacked a concrete game plan. 

Heb. 1:3 was another sweet reminder: "He [Christ] is the radiance of His glory, the exact expression of His nature, and He sustains all things by His powerful word!"  There is so much depth to this verse, I realize.  But how sweet to read it in my devotional time, in the midst of all this schedule planning, and be reminded that a schedule won't sustain us; an organized Mommy with a great game plan can't keep the family moving; He alone sustains all things!

Moving all our little 30 min time slotted squares around, was a 4 day puzzle process.  You can imagine the sense of accomplishment when I got it all out on paper.  I'd work for an hour one day and leave it; praying for God to grant me creativity in how to make it all fit together.  And the next day, when I returned He faithfully answered with a new way things could fit together. 

So we're slowly working into our schedule.  It's such a blessing to have the summer to slowly work into this, and then add the school hours in August.  Monday was our first day.  4 p.m. came and for the first time, that I can remember, I pulled out the bubbles for "Mommy play time with the little boys."  Elli was quick to offer "I can do that Mom, so you can do what you need to.  What a sweet gift to be able to say, "This is what I need to do; play with my kids!"  And what a sweet gift, to not have guilt and other other "louder" demands crowd it out. 

I got to sit on the grass, and experience the joy filled squeals and know in my heart there was NOWHERE else I wanted to be!!!

I'd love your prayers for us as we continue this journey.  It will look different than the book, already yesterday, I had 5 unplanned interruptions, as Central Asian life crashed in.  So creativity will still be needed.  But to have the freedom and space to do all I feel He has called and equipped me for . . . this is my hope!